Advent is an inherently social time. Christmas markets, office parties, family get-togethers – it’s just one social event after another. But what about those who spend the big day alone? There are many different reasons why people end up by themselves at Christmas, including long distances, a lack of time and broken-down relationships. Loneliness can hit particularly hard when it feels like everyone else is happily gathering around a festive table.

On the other hand, some people are seemingly unable to extricate themselves from an endless series of appointments and high expectations. Buying gifts, preparing food, putting up decorations – the list is long. Christmas spirit can easily start to feel forced. Stress can really get you down, and lead to conflicts over Christmas dinner.

Both of these extremes have one thing in common: They are often linked to unfulfilled expectations – either of others or of yourself. Those who are by themselves suffer due to the societal pressure to belong. And those who get caught up in the hustle and bustle struggle with the expectation of creating the perfect celebration.

Alone or lonely: what’s the difference?

There are plus sides to being alone. It can be a conscious choice in order to have some time to yourself. Loneliness, on the other hand, means social isolation, and is harmful. The boundary between the two is often fluid, because our society focuses so strongly on communal experiences.

Short periods of loneliness are not usually a problem. But if the feeling persists for weeks, is associated with anxiety or panic, or is present even when you are in company, you should seek professional help.

Stress – the other extreme of the holidays

Stress isn't merely a nuisance – it can affect your mental and physical health, from sleep issues and irritability to headaches. It often stems from a desire to do right by everyone else – neglecting your own needs in the process. Perfectionism is the worst thing for stress, and can really fan the flames during advent with its long to-do lists.

Enjoy Christmas with the Benevita app

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Seven tips for avoiding both extremes

1. Question your expectations
   Why does Christmas have to be perfect? Who says you can't celebrate by yourself, or that the tree has to be immaculately decorated? Setting your own rules automatically relieves the pressure.
2. Communicate openly
   It helps to talk to family and friends about expectations. Is it really necessary to get a gift for everyone? Perhaps a secret Santa would be enough, or you could do without gifts altogether. This saves time, money and stress, provided everyone is OK with it.
3. Make alternative arrangements
   Are there any scheduling conflicts or other factors preventing you from getting together for the holidays? Video calls could be a solution, or you could postpone the celebration. Christmas is just a date – getting together is more important.
4. Say no
   December is a busy time, but you don't have to say yes to everything. Pick and choose what you do, and take a break every now and then. Self-care is not selfish.
5. Be around other people
   If the loneliness feels overwhelming, you can look for meetups that welcome anyone or cultural events in the local area. Lots of theatres, cinemas and concert venues are open at Christmas.
6. Consciously enjoy being alone
   Whether you enjoy a good meal, listen to music or pursue a hobby, moments of calm are a good time for reflection. Christmas is a celebration of love – starting with yourself.
7. Break with tradition
   Do you really need a tree? Or a big meal? You might prefer a trip or a short break. You can do whatever feels good to you.

Tips for less stress and more relaxation

• Get a head start on organising your gifts: Avoid last-minute purchases.
• Set a budget: This will limit the financial pressure.
• Get help from friends and family: Nobody should have to take everything on themselves.
• Let go of perfectionism: Minor setbacks are normal.
• Create moments of tranquillity: Consciously schedule time for yourself.

Conclusion: Your Christmas, your rules

Both loneliness and stress can negatively affect your holidays. The solution is to plan your celebration the way you want it to be. In order to do this, you need to be honest with yourself, communicate openly and take regular breaks. Christmas is not a competition. It’s an opportunity to experience love and tranquillity – either with others or by yourself.

Navigating indulgence, arguments and self-care

Read our blog post for more helpful tips on how to make Christmas more relaxing than stressful – or listen to the corresponding SWICA Talks podcast episode. You will find out not only how to be less stressed, but also how to actively eat healthily and get enough exercise as the end of the year approaches.